I took Momiji out earlier to adjust her eyes and put a different wig on her, and I started wondering how old her faceup was. Or, more specifically, where I was in life when I did it. Because, well, I remember being very proud of it, no matter how rough it looks to my eyes now. But I can’t remember for the life of me where I lived, or who I was dating, what job I was at, or anything like that.
It’s bittersweet, I think, in a way. I’ve had her for 18 years now. And I can’t remember a lot of the joyful moments I’ve had with her. I know that’s just part of getting older, and that it’s impossible to remember everything that’s happened in 18 years, but I wish I could remember all these little pinpoints of light in a life that’s otherwise been pretty gloomy.
Maybe now that I’m blogging, I can keep that joy recorded and revisit these posts when I feel nostalgic. Maybe this whole effort will be useful after all.
I guess I feel a little weird about how hyper fixated I am on making this thing. It feels great, having a thing I can pour so much into, where I can record all these little bits of information that mean something to me (even if the jargon on my doll page is probably pretty incomprehensible to anyone who isn’t a Volks weirdo) And… well, I’ve always just lurked on the internet. I’ve rarely had any real presence. It feels like I’m finally making a space for myself. A home? I guess. A home I can take with me anywhere sounds nice.
Uh, anyway look how cute Miharu is.
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